so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
