he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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