I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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