I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
