I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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