anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
