I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
