Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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