sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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