Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
