I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
