i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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