Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
