I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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