so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
