I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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