When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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