this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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