were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
