She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
