you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
