That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
