Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
