Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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