It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
