I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
