Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
