I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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