i may or may not be watching the land before time
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
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