in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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