it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
