there's paper in my vomit.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
