Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
