How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
