We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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