it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
