shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
