I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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