98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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