Soap is not a condiment
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
