last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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