If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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