Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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