So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
