I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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