what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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