Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
