I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
