I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have demons in me.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
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he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
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Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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