Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
