Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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