i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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