Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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