I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
