Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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