you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
