are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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