don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
