My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
