And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
