Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
