So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
