threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The air was thick with penises
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
