She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
