I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
