I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
