Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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