We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
