She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
