so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
