I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
