i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
